Longing
by rEdRoSeSiNaUgUsT
Summary: John is so very lonely.
1. Chapter 1

John couldn't help but stare at the human in front of him. He was surprised at Elizabeth for clearing this mission. He wanted to come alone but she insisted Ronan come with him for some reason. They were on a peaceful planet called Lian for Carson.

The doctor wanted a plant that had remarkable healing abilities. All the other teams were already off world, including Teyla and Rodney, so he was stuck with this mundane task. John hasn't seen any locals yet, but they were getting closer to a settlement.

Ronan saw campfire smoke a couple klicks away, but it was already dark. John didn't object when he found a cave and said this was a good place to stop for the night. Apparently, nights on this planet were frigid.

Currently, the smaller man was in a ball trying to keep warm, despite his thermal clothes underneath his off world gear. Much to his annoyance, his companion was doing just fine despite him wearing only his Satedan clothes.

That consisted of pants and the brown, ragged shirt with no sleeves he always wore. Every now and then, John would see an eyeful of a muscled torso when the much larger man would stretch. The shirt was tad too short in some spots.

John knew his attraction to the Satedan was ridiculous and to his annoyance, getting stronger as the days go by. He tried to ignore it, but it was useless. He was the largest and tallest person in Atlantis; people were either in awe or afraid of him.

Because Ronon was part of his off world team, John has gotten comfortable in his presence, no matter how torturous it was to his body's reaction. Over the past two years, he had come to view the Satedan as a friend. He wouldn't jeopardize that because of his predicament.

He didn't even know if Ronon was attracted to the same gender. He didn't know how he would react if he would kiss him. Most likely punch him in the face and then some. He wouldn't act on his feelings, but he could stare and long for the one person he couldn't have.

John couldn't help but think about how gorgeous he looked in the firelight. Ronon's natural tones glowed. His light brown skin lightened to a golden color and his beautiful, hazel eyes blazed green. Muscles in his arms would relax and tense every few minutes or so. It fascinated John to no end, this Satedan.

John was so deep in his thoughts and blankly staring at him that he didn't notice Ronon staring at him back…with the same conflicted longing hidden in _his_ eyes. He didn't know that the larger man craved for him, wanted him.

The smaller jerked out of his thoughts when he heard a deep, husky voice shout his name. "_Sheppard!_"

John frowned. He wanted his first name. "What?"

"You were staring."

Searing panic went through him before he put a lid on his emotions. "Oh?"

Ronon grunted. "You looked like you wanted to say something."

John blinked his emotional lid cracking. The beholder of his thoughts was more inquisitive than he thought. He shook his head. "No."

Ronon raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything more. John swallowed heavily when those hazel eyes seared his own. Now they were more of a golden color. They were shielded, but…not. The older man couldn't figure it out.

He broke eye contact, heart pounding in his ears. Laying down on his thin pallet, he tried to only think about this silly mission that was wreaking havoc on him. He didn't know he fell asleep until he felt a large, blessedly warm hand shaking his shoulder.

Opening his eyes with soft groan, he saw concerned hazel eyes a mere foot away from his face. The second thing he noticed was that he was terribly cold. He was shaking like a mad man.

"Sheppard, for you not to die I must hold you. You are too cold."

Against his will, he felt his insides turn to mush. Dammit, he hated himself for feeling this way. As warm, muscular arms picked him up and gathered him in his lap, John couldn't hold back the sigh. Subconsciously, he buried himself in the searing warmth around him.

His face was in something very warm and surprisingly soft. He guessed it was Ronon's neck since he could hear slow, steady breathing in his ear. "Why you so warm, Ronon?" he managed to slur out in his half-conscious state.

"Satedans can adapt to extreme weather conditions."

"Mhmm…" he moaned out, wiggling in the warmth that surrounded him until he was content. He could've sworn he felt something soft caress his temple before he went unconscious again.

When he awoke again, it was still as dark and cold, but not pitch-black. Opening his eyes wider, he saw light brown skin in his immediate vision along with the Satedan's neck tattoo. Not wanting this to end, he fully relaxed and waited for Ronon to wake up.

John didn't have to wait long because a few minutes later, the arms around him tightened and his slow breathing quickened. "It is almost dawn…" Ronon rumbled huskily. "Your body is still cold."

"You don't have to."

"This is not a discussion, Sheppard. I will not let you die of hypothermia. Rest."

John couldn't fight the stark order in the Satedan's deep voice. Even though he's in charge and older, sometimes he feels he's the younger one…and not because Ronon is much larger than him. He fell asleep once more.

The third time John woke, he was greeted with hazel eyes staring down at him. Ronon shifted him until he was eye level with his chest. The sky was considerably lighter and the air was so much warmer.

John didn't want to move at all. He wanted to kiss those full, soft looking lips until they were bruised and puffy. He wanted to caress the muscular chest he was on and lick his skin. He wanted to tell this damn Satedan how much he loved him.

Because John Sheppard was lonely. So very lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

As he laid there, alone in his thoughts, he mused on how much he doesn't know about the Satedan's past. He decided he was curious (and brave) enough to ask.

"Ronon."

He grunted in answer.

"Before you were a runner, what was your life like?"

The larger man was silent for such a long time that John thought he offended him. Dread raced through the smaller man. He was about to apologize, but Ronon beat him to it.

In a husky rasp, he murmured, "I was a specialist soldier in the Satedan Army….and a husband. My wife's name was Melena and she was a nurse. We met when I was 17 and got married when I was 20. She was five years older than I was, but we didn't care. She was…carrying my child when the Wraith attacked."

Sympathy welled in John. Squeezing the big guy's forearm around his waist, he said, "I'm sorry."

"It's in the past."

"You were about to be a father, Ronon."

"Doesn't mean I have to dwell on it. I _was_. I still like children."

"The way you are with Torren bellies that."

The hazel-eyed just grunted as he tightened his hold on John. Both were quiet before John murmured as he buried himself deeper in Ronon's arms, "Thanks for being my living pillow."

"No need. You Earth people are sometimes fragile."

John lazily chuckled as he closed his eyes. All this warmth was seeping into his bones and making him sleepy. "Compared to you, maybe. You…Satedans are…ridiculous."

Ronon must've sensed he was about to fall asleep because he murmured in his ear, "Rest, John. We still have time."

When the black-haired woke this time, he immediately noticed Ronon was holding him differently. Opening his eyes, it took a moment to get his bearings, but he saw that the Satedan was walking through the forest again while holding him.

Blinking, John said, "You should've woken me up."

"You need your rest."

"Well, I'm awake now. Mind if I walk on my own?"

"Yep. You walk too slow."

John frowned, a little peeved. The sky was blue as can be, so it must be late morning. Refusing to acknowledge that he was slightly pouting, he relaxed in Ronon's grip. "How long was I out this time?"

"Three hours."

"You've been holding me the entire time?" John managed to squeak out. He wasn't exactly a small man.

"You're not that heavy, Sheppard. Let it go."

"I don't care. Your arms must be killing you. Put me down."

Hazel eyes stared down into his. The look in them made John gripe. He wasn't budging.


End file.
